Last year’s Oscars (another timely post)

Well, as I rummage through my draft folder in WordPress, i found this- an epic run through of all last year’s nominees for Academy Awards. I saw most of them, and I intended to give my brief thoughts on everything I saw. seems a shame to let my efforts go to waste, and we ARE drawing near to the Oscars so…let’s go back in time a year and talk movies, 2010 style. Everything’s alphabetical, in case you didn’t notice.

Alice in Wonderland (costume design, art direction, visual effects)- I’m a sucker for Tim Burton movies, I’ll admit.  That said, he’s done better than Alice- but then, even as a fan, I’d confess he’s done worse.  Those sick and tired of Burton and Johnny Depp collaborations be warned- the two unite again in 2012 to do a big screen version of Dark Shadows.

Animal Kingdom (Jacki Weaver, supporting actress)-This was, to me, the best movie that nobody saw. Animal kingdom is an Australian crime drama with a great cast and a sharp, viscious screenplay.  I’d highly recommend checking it out.

Another Year (original screenplay)-I’m late to the Mike Leigh party, but I get the appeal. It’s character driven, slow paced in a good way, and charming.

Barney’s Version (makeup)- Barney’s Version is a lot like it’s titular protagonist- it’s got it’s charms, but it’s ultimately pretty tough to love. I haven’t read the novel that served as source material, but my suspicion is that this is one of those times when what works for the book just doesn’t translate well to screen.

Biutiful (Javier Bardem, actor, foreign language film/Mexico)-Director Alejandro Inarritu’s movies have been a mixed bag for me- I liked 21 grams, didn’t care for Babel. He’s one of those guys that dances a very thin line between artistic and pretentious. With 21 grams, I thought he kept the balance between those poles well, with Babel, i thought he careened right off the edge into pretention land. Biutiful, to me, was a great improvement. My expectations were low going in, granted, but I walked away impressed.

Black Swan (Natalie Portman, actress, cinematography,  director, film editing, best picture)- It’s fair to say this is one of the more infamous titles on the list, eh? Here’s the bottom line- this movie is basically what happens when an alfred hitchcock film has a baby with an ingman bergman movie. yes- it’s weird. it’s absolutely crazy. and really, in my mind, just crazy enough to work.

Blue Valentine (michelle williams, actress)-Blue valentine is above all, freaking depressing. (like black swan, it  also features an infamously graphic sex scene.  this is a weird comment to make, but- between this movie and black swan, it was kind of a big year in hollywood for oral sex scenes. uh…anyway…)  Great performances from both leads, though only williams got the nom. my thinking was that second time director Derek Cianfrance tried a little too hard here. but maybe that’s just me.

The Confession (short film/Live Action)- yes, i DID manage to see all the short subject films last year, something I hope to repeat.  (my geek status is never much in doubt, is it?)  The wife and I took in the live action and animated shorts in one weekend. this was the first of the live action, and WOW was it intense. and dark. and very, very well done. Arguably should have won, even.

Country Strong (original song/Coming Home)-oh, Country Strong. I’m not sure quite what to say here- i mean, it is what it is. not necessarily my cup of tea. I’m all in with the argument that country music needs to return to it’s roots, of course. but i just couldn’t quite get into this one, possibly due to distraction as i pondered why tim mcgraw’s character kept wearing weird turtlenecks.

The Crush (short film/Live Action)-Another live action short, this was actually quite fun, and they pull off a neat little switch near the end.

Day and Night (short film/Animated)- this was the pixar entry to the animated short category, and it’s a pretty creative one.  I liked it, but I’m glad it didn’t win, for reasons I’ll get into later.

Dogtooth (Foreign language film/Greece)- Yeek. I’ve got no prejudice against foreign films- again, major film geekage. and while I respect director Yorgos Lathimos and his ability to not flinch from dark subject matter-like, at all- this one was a little too much for me. and by too much, i mean with the incest and such. yowza.

Exit Through the Gift Shop (documentary feature)-is it really a doc, or is it an elaborate prank perpetrated by street artist Banksy, whomever he may be? I’m not sure after watching this, but I know it was genuinely entertaining and thought provoking either way.

The Fighter (Christian Bale, supporting actor, Melissa Leo, supporting actress, Amy Adams, supporting actress, director, film editing, best picture, original screenplay)-great comeback story from two guys whose careers were overshadowed by onscreen rants (christian bale vs. a director of photography, director david russell vs. lily tomlin) and an overall great movie period.

Gasland (documentary feature)-interesting look at the world of “fracking”- not the battlestar galatica curse word, but the method used to get at natural gas deposits and some (possibly) unintended consequences.

God of Love (short film/Live Action)-this was your live action winner, and not undeservedly, though, as noted, the confession was probably a better choice. God of love is a quirky little comedic piece that works quite well.

The Gruffalo (short film/Animated)-really fun little animated fable.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (art direction, visual effects)-I remember being very concerned when I heard someone named David yates was taking over the Potter franchise, starting with the fifth film. shows what I know- Yates took the film versions the rest of the way, and absolutely knocked it out of the park.

Hereafter (visual effects)- Never got around to seeing this one.

How to Train Your Dragon (animated feature, original score)-I unabashedly loved this movie- seriously. and that was BEFORE I realied David tennant was one of the voices.

I am Love (costume design)-strange little Italian film starring Tilda Swinton, of all people.  Nicely shot, strangely boring. The Illusionist (animated feature)- a beautiful, melancholy little film.

In a Better World (foreign language film/Denmark)-Didn’t see it.

Incendies (foreign language film/Canada)- Didn’t see this one either.

Inception (art direction, cinematography, original score, best picture, sound editing, sound mixing, visual effects, original screenplay)- Another movie I unabashedly love. Saw it in theaters three times. Still occasionally make a BWAMMM sound effect just to make my day seem more exciting.

Inside Job (documentary feature)-Makes a compelling case for changing how the government looks at big business, and does so in a decidedly non partisan fashion.

Iron Man 2 (visual effects)-One of my big disappointments of the year. Loved the first iron man- but everything (script wise, especially) that worked in the first fell apart in the second.

The Kids are All Right (Mark Ruffalo/supporting actor, Annette Bening/actress, best picture, original screenplay)-Think of this one less as a treastise on parenting via a gay couple, and more as exactly what the title says- the kids of the film turn out well, despite the best efforts of the adults in their lives, be those adults hetero or homsexual. This one was sort of sneaky good. worth checking out, regardless of your pont of view on the topic of gay marriage.

Killing in the Name (documentary/short)- fascinating doc about an Islamic man dedicated to speaking against acts of terror.

The King’s Speech (Colin Firth/actor, Geoffrey Rush/supporting actor, Helena Bonham Carter/supporting actress, art direction, cinematography, costume design, director, film editing, original score, best picture, sound mixing, original screenplay)- movie geeks enjoyed a lively debate after watching the King’s Speech win the evening last year. Many felt that the Social Network was more deserving, and worse, that King’s Speech won merely due to it being the more “traditional” oscar film. If that’s why the King’s Speech got more votes- then I agree. Lame. But it’s equally lame to dismiss the King’s Speech out of hand. traditional or not, it’s a wonderful film directed gracefully, and well deserving of the accolades given.

Let’s Pollute (short/animated)- animated short, clever idea, kind of fun.

The Lost Thing (short/animated)- The animated short winner, and rightfully so. very cool little film.

Madagascar, Carnet de Voyage (short/animated)- Interesting animated travel diary. Kind of neat, but also a little boring.

Na Wewe (short/Live Action)- It didn’t win, but I think this was my fave among the live shorts. Brings the intensity, tells a story in a clever fashion.

127 Hours (James Franco/actor, film editing, original score, original song/If I Rise, best picture, adapted screenplay)- Loved it. I love danny boyle’s work, and this was no exception. funny story-when i saw 127 hours, I ended up going all the way down south to the olathe amc 30 for lack of a better option. What i didn’t realize, after driving a half an hour into Kansas and got up to the ticket booth, was that the only showing I could make was for the dine in side of the theater- meaning I had to buy at least 20 bucks worth of food to see it. I hemmed and hawed, but shelled out the extra cash, ordered as little as I could, and sat down with my food. All this to say, while James Franco is portraying a man stuck in the desert, sustaining himself on as little food and water as possible, I’m sitting in a movie theater eating fries and slurping down a glass of water.

Outside the Law (foreign language/Algeria)- Missed it.

Poster Girl (documentary/short)- really powerful short doc about a soldier dealing with post traumatic stress.

Rabbit Hole (nicole kidman/actress)-Another film that snuck up on me. This was another movie that ended up being one of my faves of the year. Fascinating, tough look at a family mourning the loss of a child. The other best movie that nobody saw last year.

Restrepo (documentary feature)-Speaking of tough to watch- restrepo is a great documentary, but yes, it’s a tough one. It’s one everyone SHOULD watch, though- just to get a small glimpse into what our soldiers undergo in Afghanistan. As you might have heard, the director of this documentary died a few months ago, the casualty of a mortar shell attack while covering the civil war in Libya.

Salt (sound mixing)- Just here for the sound mixing, I thought salt was okay. Nothing great, but not bad either.

The Social Network (Jesse Eisenberg/actor, cinematography, director, film editing, original score, best picture, sound mixing, adapted screenplay)- I defended the King’s Speech earlier, and I reiterate my love for that film. But I love the Social Network too, and it wouldn’t have bothered me a bit to see this one get the best picture win. Loved the direction, loved the screenplay in particular.

Strangers No more (documentary/short)-Working at the UMKC School of Education, and being the husband and brother of teachers, great to see a doc about a school get the win. Pretty awesome little film about an Israeli school that houses students from all over the world, and various walks of life.

Sun Come Up (documentary/short)-I found this short doc pretty eye opening. tells the story of the residents of the Carteret islands, whose home is literally disappearing a few inches at a time, an unexpected consequence of global warming. Pretty inspiring stuff.

Tangled (original song/I See the Light)-I walked away from Tangled pretty surprised. Really good animated movie, though it missed out on a nomination for animated feature and had to settle for the original song bid.

The Tempest (costume design)- Never saw this one.

The Town (Jeremy Renner/supporting actress)-Who’d have thunk that Ben Affleck would turn out to be such a great director? Great work on his part here. Very solid crime thriller, smartly done. affleck’s next project? adapting Stephen King’s magnum opus, the Stand.

Toy Story 3 (animated feature, original song/we belong together, best picture, sound editing, adapted screenplay)- great finale for the toy story franchise. another tremendous entry. but I have to say-I actually liked how to train your dragon a smidge better. still though, toy story 3 is a great film, and a sure fire method for making grown men cry- not that i would know personally, understand…moving on!

Tron:Legacy (sound editing)-you know what? I actually didn’t hate this one. great visually, fails mostly due to the inexperience of first time director Joseph Kosinski, who doesn’t manage to get much out of leading man garrett hedlund, and doesn’t know how to tell experienced actors like michael sheen and jeff bridges when to stop- resulting in bridges literally just re-doing the Dude from Big Lebowski, and Sheen-well, I’m not sure what michael sheen (who I usually like) was doing. ah, but that daft punk soundtrack- THAT was pretty awesome.

True Grit (Jeff Bridges/actor, Hailee Steinfeld/supporting actress, art direction, cinematography, costume design, director, best picture, sound editing, sound mixing, adapted screenplay)- I’m a big coen brothers nerd, among other forms of nerdliness. I’ve also noticed a growing fascination with westerns as I grow older. So this one was right in my wheelhouse, and to no one’s surprised, I enjoyed it immensely.  Downright old fashioned in all the right ways.

Unstoppable (sound editing)- I think I liked the SNL skit making fun of this one better than the film itself. but it’s not bad, all that said.

The Warriors of Qiugang- (documentary/short)- small town folks from a rural chinese province fight the powers that be trying to get justice for poorly constructed schools that crumple under the weight of an earthquake. Pretty inspiring.

Waste Land (documentary feature)-a weird, wonderful idea- art consisting of trash from a gigantic brazilian trash dump, featuring the unlikely residents/workers that call it home. My favorite documentary of the year.

The Way Back (makeup)- I actually really enjoyed this one two. the nazi occupation of poland turns a group of criminal brothers into unlikely heroes. Solid film.

Winter’s Bone (John Hawkes/supporting actor, Jennifer Lawrence/actress, best picture, adapted screenplay)- Missouri boothill, representin’! Great movie, breakthrough performance from jennifer lawrence, who’s parlayed the role into a part in x men: first class, and the upcoming hunger games adaptation. She’s great, but so is director debra granik, and actor John Hawkes. I went running to imdb to find out more about him, and when it listed him as the hippie guy in the last season of Lost in his filmography, my mind was like totally BLOWN. Also, though i love the film, and love that it was actually shot in missouri, you know that east and west coasters that saw this movie will forever associate our fair state with nothing but meth now.

Wish 143 (short/Live Action)-great, great premise- a teen dying of cancer makes a request to a Make-a-Wish style organization- to lose his virginity before he passes. Funny and touching and surprising all at once.

The Wolfman (makeup)- well deserving of recognition for the work of legendary make up artist rick baker.  and still, easily the worst film associated with the academy awards last year.  Really, fundamentally, just did not work.

update!

If I received a stipend for every blog post that began with something along the lines of “hey, it’s been awhile since a new post, huh?” I could no doubt retire at this point. That said- hey, it’s been awhile since a new post, huh? Here then is an update on all things me since last I blogged:

1. idiot box

I’ve had a chance now to check out most of the new shows that came out this fall. Simply put, I like-

terra nova

grimm

once upon a time

prime suspect

suburgatory

person of interest

pan am

up all night

free agents

Terra Nova has been pretty inconsistent so far, but it’s a solid sci fi premise, and I like it because dinosaurs, that’s why. Suburgatory has also been hit and miss but it’s got a certain charm. I really like prime suspect, so of course it’s on the chopping block and likely to get cancelled. ditto for free agents. one could argue, given the strength of the cast, that up all night should be even better than it is, but it’s still a strong new comedy.  I like Person of Interest while acknowledging that the central premise of the show is ludicrous. While I agree that once upon a time is the superior “fairy tale characters in modern life” show, Grimm deserves praise of it’s own. Showrunner/writer/producer David Greenwalt worked a lot in the Buffy/Angel-verse, and this show has a strong Buffy vibe going for it, which is never a bad thing in my mind. Pan Am should be mildly ridiculous, but it works incredibly well anyway.

I was ‘meh’ towards:

unforgettable

revenge

ringer

Unforgettable would work better if the main character were more interesting. Revenge would work better if the writers stoppede trying to pretend they’re creating an interesting ongoing treatise on the nature of vengence and realized what they’ve actually got is a trashy, dynasty-esque prime time soap opera.  Ringer seems aware and okay with it’s soapiness, but it’s still not very good. i continue to watch ringer out of sheer loyalty to sarah michelle gellar. She gave me 7 tremendous years of buffy, so 45 minutes of week suffering through ringer seems like a fair price to pay.

i didn’t care for:

the charlie’s angels remake

2 broke girls

whitney

I know some people like 2 broke girls and whitney, but i just can’t do it. i honestly tried, and found both of them lacking in the humor department. i watched the pilot for the charlie’s angels remake, and it was so painfully, horribly, meticuously bad it was actually kind of awesome.

I haven’t checked out Alcatraz yet, but I intend to. I’ll even give the River a shot. The pilot episode of the Finder was pretty fun.

2. the silver screen

I’m way behind on the movie front. The list of stuff i wanted to see but missed grows every week. moneyball? missed it. drive? missed it. Twilight, breaking dawn? okay, missed that one on purpose.  I find myself mildly irritated that I haven’t made time for movie watching, given that it’s one of my great life passions. But by the time I grind through a typical work week, from 8am to 8pm, the desire to indulge a God given interest in observing good filmmaking comes squarely into conflict with a desire to take a good, long nap. So new year’s resolution! See more movies. Done, and DONE. So done, in fact, that i intend to do some adventures in cinema posts.

3. on writing

no news from the publisher yet, and it’s been a smidge over three months now. if i don’t hear something by the end of the year, I’ll be moving onto to step number 2, with a big lingering question- should step number 2 be submit to a different publisher, or should i be exploring the world of self publishing? I’m torn at the moment, and a last minute affirmative call from the publishers i’m currently submitting to would simplify things greatly…

4. life in general

It seems like there’s been a tremendous amount of tragedy happening around me in past months. Not to me, but to my friends, to those in travel in my circles. While things in my household have continued to run pretty smoothly, it hurts to see loved ones hurting so much. There’s guilt there too, as I can’t help but wonder why them and not me. . .followed shortly by fear as I consider it may be my turn next.

5. resolutions?

I don’t usually do the resolution thing, a tradition I carry forward this year. however- there IS something about a new year that causes us to re think where we’re at and where we’re heading, and that’s never a bad thing. I find myself taking more chances this new year-applying for new jobs, continuing to explore getting published, doing a weekly Bible reading session with some co workers. Risk taking is uncharteristic of me- enough so that it’s almost certainly a God thing and not a me thing, which is a very good thing. So here’s to more of that, more of God and less of me. And here’s to more of me on the blogosphere this year, tracking these journeys more diligently…

the waiting game

“And now we play the waiting game…oh, the waiting game sucks. Let’s play hungry hungry hippos! “-homer j. Simpson

So here’s something that’s got me excited and nervous all at the same time. I finally finished the novel i was working on (which i believe i’ve mentioned in this space before) and have submitted the firsr three chapters to a publisher. I’m told to expect a few months before they sat yea or nea. Which leaves me in waiting mode. I’m pleased to say, for once, i’m not in a passive mentality in the meantime. I would dare say i’m writing more consistently than ever, with a schedule and everything.  That said, waiting still sucks. My prayer for this time is simply- “God, give me strength to push on if it’s rejected- give me humility if it’s accepted.” A good thought, but it’ll still hurt like hell if they sat no.

Which is the essence of the lesson i need to learn, regardless of whar happens next. I’ve spent my life avoiding rejection by means of the elegant solution of not trying. This is my little life strategy. It’s a common enough one, especially among us menfolk. But it’s far fron the abundant life God has in mind for me. His plan involves risk, and rejection, and even the death of my self centered agenda. On the other side of that is the abundant life Jesus promises. But despite the promise, old habits die hard. Rejection is hard. And waiting for potential rejection is the hardest of all-at least, for someone like me.

I’m glad, all this said, that God has given me the push to face my fears. And whatever happens next, i’ll certainly need Him to keep holding my hand and lead me through…

9/11 reflection

it’s been awhile since blogging, I know, but the tenth anniversary of 9/11 has me in a reflective mood. I’m thinking about where I was that day, what it felt like. I think I’ve told that story before, but what the hey-it’s a good story, and if you’ve already heard me tell it, feel free to ignore me.

In those days, my job in medical records had me running paper charts to various sections of the hospital as patients arrived. I had just run some charts up to ER, and Iwas returning to the basement file room when I heard someone talking about the situation. The rest of the day I listened to coverage of the events on a little radio down there, occasionally checking out television footage after a chart run. It was horrifying, of course- so much so it numbed the brain and froze the heart. I worked through a temp agency back then, not yet full time. That afternoon when my shift was over, I had to drive down to the main offices of that agency a half hour away from the Kansas City northland where I live and work in order to get my paycheck, which hadn’t been available the previous weekend due to an administrative snafu. I was literally without money until that paycheck was delivered, and desperately low on gas. As I rolled down south, I heard pervasive reports of gas stations price gouging, of massive amounts of people coming to get gas, as radio personalities pleaded with people to only fill up if necessary, to not give into the urge to panic. With an eye on the gas gauge and a heart full of fear, I kept driving, listening to the radio all the while.

Eventually I got to the offices- only to find that the only person capable of delivering the paycheck wasn’t there.  I went back to my car defeated, desperate, despairing. I sat there awhile. I thought about my recent struggles, faith/trust battles that had me running away from God, that were drastically hurting my relationship with the woman who would someday be my wife. The previous night we’d eaten together at the Corner Cafe in Riverside, a wonderful meal that felt redemption and renewal, like nothing bad would ever happen again.  I thought about that bitterly as I sat in the car, listening to the world falling apart in NYC, looking at a gas gauge that sat just shy of empty. But instead of running, for the first time in months, I decided to trust. I told God, that if he split the red sea, that if he bring himself back from death, he could get me from that parking lot to the Liberty Quik trip, a half hour away, on a virtually empty tank. And that said, I put the car in drive and headed north.

You can call it lame excuse for a miracle if you want-you can dismiss it as a coincidence. All I know is that while my car was hacking and stalling on the outskirts of Liberty, it didn’t completely die until I literally crossed the threshold of the very gas station I had set as my destination. And for someone who’d been massively screwing up, whose head and heart was an absolute wreck due to the tragedies of that day, it felt very much like a miracle.

my then girlfriend/future wife was kind enough to stop and loan me a few bucks for gas, but that meant waiting in the Quik Trip until she arrived. While everyone buzzed through the gas station, i was given the amazing gift of stillness. I sat on the trunk of my car and watched the constant movement, still afraid, still heartbroken, but buoyed by hope. Across the street, there was a single tree, and someone was sitting underneath it. i often wonder about that guy. Did he know what happened? Is that why he was sitting out there, alone, trying to collect his thoughts? I kinda wish I’d gone over there to ask now. at the time, he felt like a kindred spirit, someone else who’d been given a chance to sit still while the world went crazy around us.

I’m still grateful for the gifts God gave me that day.  it didn’t make it easier to deal with, per se, but it made it bearable. even a decade later, I can cast my mind back to that day and remember something other than the terror and the sadness and the debris. it’s hard to trust someone you can’t touch and see, particularly on days like that. but it’s not impossible. and i’m grateful for that most of all.

 

thanks for the end of december which is also the end of 2010

This year, I’m thankful for:

a burning urge to actually do a resolution list.  that’s kind of a weird thank you, but I can’t remember the last time I made a resolution list that I was actually excited about.  But I feel like this year is different- not because of me, but because of God.  And for pete’s sake, that statement in and of itself- “this feels DIFFERENT”- how is that kind of feeling not reason for thanks all by itself?

and don’t know how these resolutions will pan out- maybe I don’t lose the weight, maybe not every project takes off, but not only am I feeling a compulsion to experience some rebirth in my life, so far it’s married to an understanding that none of this will happen apart from God’s intervention, and that none of it would matter in the first place without God anyway. personal improvement in the context of the Christian life is always walked on a fine line between the need to walk away from passivity (a particular bane for me) and the need to let go and let God take the wheel. It’s a line i don’t tend to walk well- I go from the extremes of doing nothing and hoping God opts to change me cinderella/fairy godmother style, or going full tilt, but for all the wrong reasons- pride, image, trying to earn God’s lover.  I know there will be times when i go both places with these resolutions, but I’m praying I don’t stay at either end for too long.  In the middle, there is earnest effort that’s a response to God’s love instead of a blasphemous attempt at gaining it.  In the middle, there’s grace and peace. In the middle, there’s less of me and more of Jesus, and that will make all the difference.

 

mighty combo blog post the second

It’s a new year, I’m still living out the last few dregs of our christmas vacation (more on that to come- SPOILER ALERT- it involves veritable ass loads of snow), and thus in the mood to catch up on the ol’ blog, as you can tell by the fact that this represents my third post in as many days.  but friends, this is hardly just ANY post- this is the return of the  mighty combo post, that magical mystical time when several scattered post ideas I’ve accumulated in the past few months will join together Voltron style to form a post greater than it’s individual parts- hopefully.

to evoke her beauty

The phrase comes from the message translation of Ephesians 5:25-

“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”

The words caught at me- to “evoke her beauty”.  My wife is a very beautiful woman with a very fragile sense of her own beauty.  Like so many women, she struggles with the idea of body image.  I’ve been convicted in recent months to pray about this more on her behalf, which has been cool.  But these verses take it up several degrees- do my words bring that sense of beauty out of my wife? Challenging, but worth pursuing.

a literate post

This post idea is me at my most English major-y.  See, when I was at the Truman State BSU, I led a group that read Philip Yancey’s “the Jesus I never knew”.  To illustrate the extremes of focusing on just God’s sense of justice versus focusing just on God’s sense of grace, he spent a chapter discussing the lives of Russian writers Leo Tolstoy and Fyodor Dostoevsky.  That perked my interest in Russian lit, and lo and behold if TSU didn’t offer a course revolving around both authors a few semesters later.  There were, as I recall, about nine of us there that first class.  after receiving the syllabus, only three of us didn’t drop the sucker.  And halfway through the semester, one guy (a friend of mine, actually) who was in the national guard got called overseas, leaving two people and the professor.  Safe to say, the Tolstoy/Dostoevsky one two punch was probably never offered again.  Anyway, all that to say, when doing a class dedicated to the works of Dostoevsky, one ends up reading the Brothers Karamazov.  and when reading the Brothers Karamazov, one reads the Grand Inquisitor.  The grand inquisitor is a short story within the novel, the creation of one of the titular brothers, Ivan. Ivan is an atheist, and the context of the story is that it’s his parting salvo in a long assault on the faith of the youngest brother, Aloysha.  it’s set during in Spain during the inquisition, and it posits a situation in which Jesus returns- quietly- during that time period.  He’s rounded up and presented to the Grand Inquisitor after healing a few folks.  the inquisitor then begins a long diatribe against the God he’s ostensibly serving, which basically boils down to his frustration that Jesus rejected the precepts of “miracle, mystery and authority” when he resisted the devil’s temptations in the desert.  To boil this down simplistically, he sees manipulation as a viable building block for the church, a building block that Jesus rejected in favor of love.  The concept struck me then, and it strikes me now.  Manipulation, see, is ultimately a hell of a lot less work than love.  Why waste time investing in people and relationships when you can just give ‘em some of the old proverbial razzle dazzle?  a little dinner, a magic show, prey on their weak spots, and you get people in the palm of your hand.  and once they’re there, imperiously demand absolute control.  And let’s face a brutal truth as Christians- the church has got a bad track record of being more grand inquisitor than Jesus. It was true in the dark ages, and it’s sadly true today.  the religious right, koran burnings, anything and everything revolving around westboro baptist church- I could go on, but you get the point.  and before i get on too much of a modern day pharisee rant, let us not forget that i am prone to playing the pharisee/inquisitor part myself.  we hear phrases like “culture war” bandied about nowadays, and many of us in the church solemnly nod from our pews. and yeah, there’s some truth to that- not being conformed to the world. but here’s the thing about any spiritual warfare we Christians engage in- the only weapons that meet with God’s approval are love and prayer.  anything that isn’t soaked in those two things is us going the “easy” route, the inquisitor route.  Period.

Me vs. my inner child

This post came from a weird, personal place- a day that I thought about myself as a child, remembering what I was like as a kid, and realizing with awful certainty that I absolutely HATE that little mother effer.  Seriously, that’s literally what ran through my mind.  The second thing that ran through my head was that I essentially hate someone (myself as a kid) that God loves.  God made that kid.  God calls me to be more like that child, in a lot of senses. And I’m finding that to be extraordinarily difficult.

I don’t know what to do with this insight, even sitting here a couple of months later. I know that I need to learn to see my younger self- myself, really- through God’s eyes instead of mine.  I need to stop trying to live life in self protective mode and start living in dying to self/living for God mode more consistently, day by day by day.  I just don’t really know how that’s done.  Fortunately, God does.  I just need to trust Him and let Him show me.  Easier said than done sometimes. . .

I’m writing a novel

The last post idea was to simply take this time to announce that I’m writing a novel- really, actually, truly.  in fact, the sucker’s almost done. I’m on the ending section right now.  in my working outline, the only real problem spot is: “stephen saves the day-but how?”  so, yeah, not knowing how your hero prevails is a slight problem, but I’m confident all well be well for the first draft in the next week.  then begins the rewrite, which will be a pretty monumental task in it’s own right. after that, who knows?  I’m hopelessly naive about the publishing business, how it works, who I talk to, but I fully intend to do something with this beast, even if my only option is the generally profitless world of self publishing. it’s been a grind, trying to do this in little spots of free time I find. but for someone who’s struggled his whole life with following through and finishing what I start, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on this is becoming it’s own reward.

Well,that’s all I’ve got (he says after rambling for approximately forever)- mighty combo post kind of got out of hand this time.  but such is the nature of the mighty combo post beast- you cannot stop him, you can only hope to contain him. sayonara for now.

fantasy football wrap up

it’s all over but the shouting, friends.  Last weekend was the end of the playoffs in one of my fantasy football leagues, and today marked the end of the playoffs in the other.  As a quick recap, I was the number one seed in the Shoal Creek (our church) league, with a solid overall record as far as total points scored.  in the other league I joined, an invitational put together by members of the Chiefs blog Arrowhead Addict, I was “that guy”- the guy with the middle of the pack performance who barely squeaks into the playoff picture.  I had high hopes for the SCCC crown, and figured I’d be lucky to sneak away with third in the other league.  but as they say in the sportscasting circuit, that’s why they play the games. . .

So yeah, in case that last bit was too cryptic for you, I experienced complete fantasy football reversal.  In the Shoal Creek league, I laid an absolute egg in the first round, and that was that.  Playing for third place the next week, another egg, and fourth place was all I had left.  Such is fantasy football, I suppose- a solid year, a high scoring team, but if it doesn’t happen in the playoff weeks, you’re screwed.  It would have been one thing if my problems in the playoffs had traced back to the quarterback position, since I lost Tony Romo halfway through the year and basically was in scramble mode the rest of the year.  But really, it was just a couple of overall entire team style playoff duds.  The shoal creek league title continues to elude me- galling, but ah well.  Especially since i have officially WON the other league.  As was the case with the shoal creek loss, the guy with the best record had a dud week against the guy who sneaked in (me).  And as it so happened, with that victory in the books, I went on this week to roll to a surprisingly low stress championship win.  So I am half a champion at least, my friends, and I WILL keep on fighting ’til the end.  Huzzah!

I can’t believe I’m doing a blog post on this.

After careful consideration, I’ve decided to start the new year of blogging in the most repulsive way imaginable- by giving all of you out there in the blog-o-sphere a peek into the inner workings of the men’s room on the main floor of the UMKC School of Education.  Submitted for your approval, three pics from said restroom, click ‘em for larger size IF YOU DARE.

Before we go any further, let me assure you- the middle pic ISN’T as bad as you think.  it’s actually a clump of grass, lovingly placed on the urinal rim.  Which is actually weirder than a tiny piece of poop, when you think about it.  Why would someone scrape their shoes off on a urinal?  Or possibly it fell off the person, which again raises questions.  Also, as a point of clarification, the beer was actually in the men’s room on the second floor.  The one bathroom oddity I don’t have a picture of is the time I walked in, and saw that the sink was covered with TINY, CURLY HAIRS.  Even if said hairs are more innocent than they first appeared (like the grass clump seeming turdlike), there is no explanation I can conceive that isn’t utterly bizarre. And really, I’m not looking for an explanation on this one.  This is the very definition of a question that I don’t want an answer to.  I mean, would you?  Some things are best left unanswered.  Even when they occur TWICE.

 

thanks post, 12.19.10

i can’t believe I haven’t done a “thanks” post for the end of November yet- y’know, what with there being a prominent holiday with “thanks” in it’s title around that time.  At any rate, i guess the thing I’m thankful for right now is- good ol’ fashioned Christmas spirit.  I don’t know if it’s because we decorated our house early, or the planned trip to New York,  or what, but the build up to Christmas has felt a lot more joyful to me this season than it has in the past couple of years.  i was never in full grinch mode in the past, mind you- just kind of stuck in neutral.  Christmas was just another day in another month the last few years, another victim to my habit of mindless living, “letting the days go by”, as the Talking Heads sang.  i think the last few years or so, i’ve realized just a little too late that I’ve been in auto pilot, like when it occurs to you that you’re about to miss your exit off the highway while in the middle of a daydream, and there’s no way you’re going to make it unless you’re wanting to try a hollywood-style car stunt.   This year, I’m seeing the road signs clearly, i’m enjoying the ride, and my turn signal’s activated and ready to go.  like any area of spiritual growth, it’s had little to do with me and everything to do with God working away at my heart.  I’m thankful for that, thankful for the wake up call, and i’m looking forward to a Christmas that draws me closer to Him and closer to those He’s placed in my life- what Christmas is supposed to be about, in other words.

fantasy football update: end of the regular season

It’s been awhile, friends- my bloggage has been suffering from “blank page syndrome” as of late.  So what better way to break a blogging fast than go to the topic y’all probably care about the least- my fantasy football teams!  right?  well, frankly, you don’t get a vote in this process, so fantasy football it is.

i’m in the playoffs in both leagues, by the skin of my teeth in the one, as the number one seed in the other.   My prospects for winning the first league- the one I snuck into the playoffs- are slim to none and fading fast.  I’m probably gonna be playing for third in that one.   Running back became a large issue there.  I was stung by that ugly stretch of non production from Chris Johnson, and old guys thomas jones and LT didn’t do much to help.   i’m in OK shape in the other league, but i’m 28 points down to start thanks to Philip Rivers 3 touchdown thursday night, which is worrisome since this is the league that I had Tony Romo as my QB, and I’ve been bandaging it with Joe Flacco and Matt Cassell ever since.   urgkh.

stay tuned to see how it all shakes out. . .I’m kind of anxious to find out myself.